I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favourite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.
if u don’t get a reply i’m either
- watching tv series
- or i just hate you
I want to wake up at 2am, roll over, see your face, and know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
I don’t know why I feel a bit empty inside or feel hurt. Ever since my amazing weekend everything has changed with my roommate and I but in a good way… I thought it was never going to happen because he kept pushing me away. So i thought I did the right thing by just doing the same thing to get over him. But Sunday morning our friendship has changed into something special and meaningful, something that I would never thought it would happen in a 3 month time period,
When he made the first moved and pressed my lips against mine, my heart was racing so fast I almost had to catch my breath a couple of times to come back into reality. After that happened, I felt like my soul was tingling, I don’t know what it meant but maybe it was something meant to be? I was more surprised when he wanted to be to cuddle with him and wrap my arms around him to keep him warm.
After I’ve made the first move. pressing and brushing my lips against his I had to ask him “are you okay doing this around with people?” he told me “Yeah, I’m totally okay with it.” I find him a very romantic type guy but not sexual. But I think later on the road I might find him sexually attractive, if this leads to something more but I know it’s going to take a lot of time to feel that way.
After we packed our stuff and was ready to leave the event I was surprised again when he kissed him. His lips tasted like chocolate of course since he finished eating something that was chocolate (lol). I didn’t know what triggered him to be somewhat affection towards me but I wasn’t complaining. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for months and I’m glad I’ve been taking it slow and taking baby steps.
The next day i had to talk about what was going on (meaning why all of a sudden he kissed me). He told me he finds me romantic and that there is something or potential relationship between us and would like to see where it goes. I felt the same way about him (romantic and potential) When he finished what he had to say my body felt giggity and light as if I was floating off my seat. I’ve never felt this strong connection between him and I. Every time we talk about our problems, we grew closer and closer to each other where it’s to the point that we couldn’t control our feelings about each other.
But here’s what I’m worried about ever since this 180 degree changed. Apparently he has feelings for girls again, but sexually. I really don’t mind at all since I’m keeping my options open as well. But there’s also a part of me that makes me a bit upset because he likes the opposite sex. Yeah I get jealous when he talks to other guys but for girls I just don’t know how I really feel about it since it’s just unknown to me. Worrying about one sex is enough for me, but two? I just don’t know if I can really handle it.
When I kissed him yesterday after dropping him off of work and made the move, it felt very passionate in a way and he was really into it. But when I’m around him he gives me weird body tone/emotions as if I fucked up or something. Maybe I’m thinking way to hard about it. I know I can’t let my guard down and I know I cannot show so much effort on my side because our effort should be equal. So I guess I’ll find out later on what our future holds. But I know deep down inside me that we are meant to be together. The only reason why I say that because I feel like my soul is signaling a sign. I could be wrong but I don’t want to over analyze how I feel. I guess tge time will come and if we are meant to be…. then he’s the guy I can only imagine to be with and no one else.